so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
