i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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