How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
