I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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