...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
