Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
