I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
