You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
