apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He kissed a someone with a penis
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
