I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize