Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
