I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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