Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
