she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
