I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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