so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
