soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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