My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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