I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
