Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
