plz talk dirty to me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
