i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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