I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize