next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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