By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
