Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
