tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The air was thick with penises
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
