Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
