thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think people are normalizing furries
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
