Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
