my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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