He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
