Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
