Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
