Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize