When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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