So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hello my rib-scented angel!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
