He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Every concussion has its silver lining
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
