Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
