So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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