They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
