Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize