i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
