Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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