did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
