I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The air was thick with penises
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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