Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
