Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Of course I have a pirate flag
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize