I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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