I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
