Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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