the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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