shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
