My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
