I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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