There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
