Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
