my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
