Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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