i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
