I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
