Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
