The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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