a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize