We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The struggles of a small town man whore
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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