whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
