Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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