do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
