i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize