Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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