Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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