she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize