is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
