He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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