I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
